You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.