You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!