You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.