Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.