Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.