Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and it's about comin' home. It's real music sung by real people for real people, the people that make up the backbone of this country. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.