You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!