You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.