You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.