You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.