Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.