You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.