You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.