You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.