By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication