By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.