By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication