By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.