If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.