The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.