I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.