All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.