All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.