You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.