A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.