I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.