You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.