If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.