If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.