I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.