I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.