My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.