You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.