Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.