Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.