Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.