I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.