You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck