Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.