I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.