I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.