Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.