You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!