You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.