Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.