Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.