You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.