You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.