I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.