You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.