We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.