If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.