You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.