You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.