You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.