You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.