You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck