What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.