You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.