Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

As an individual, as a household, you can't spend more money than you're bringing in. You can do it for a little while, but you end up going broke and you end up losing everything you have. That is the path that we're on as a country, and it scares me to death.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.