You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.