You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.