I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.