You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.