You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.