You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.