You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.