Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!