You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.