You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.